Roshi's Romance Quest
by Method Man
Summary: Rated R for some adult content, this is a funny fic on Master Roshi's desperate quest to get the girls.


Master Roshi's Quest by DoubleMethod01@aol.com  
  
This is a fic of mine on a day of Master Roshi's adventures. It takes place after the Cell Saga and after Krillin and 18 married. I do not own Dragon Ball Z or any of the characters mentioned in this fic of mine.  
  
  
It begins on a hot, humid day at Kame House. It was only 9 oclock in the morning and it was already 90 degrees hot outside. Master Roshi woke up while Krillin and 18 were still sleeping and started checkin out some of his playboy magazines. "Ooooh yes!" Roshi said out loud which woke 18 up. 18 got out of bed and walked into the room where Roshi was. "Hey there 18! Sleep well?" he said. 18 threw him out the window and he landed in the water. She then went back to bed.  
  
"Hmmm. Maybe I was too loud." Roshi thought to himself. "Why does Krillin get such a good chick like her and i cant get one? Its not fair!"  
  
"Maybe if you tried shutting up for once!" 18 yelled out.   
  
"Darn it." Roshi thought to himself ignoring 18. Roshi decided then to go out to the city for a while. Just then all of a sudden some little person appeared in front of Roshi while he was in the city.  
  
"I am your guardian angel!" it said.  
  
"My guardian angel?"  
  
"Yeah, the name's Bob."  
  
"Bob, huh?"  
  
"Yeah. Look here kiddy I see you got problems trying to get the ladies."  
  
"Well yeah."  
  
"Good. Now here's the deal. First off, get your raggedy old butt some hip clothes. Do that and I'll come back to ya."  
  
"Alright." Bob disappeared then Roshi went and bought some new clothes. Bob appeared again. He all of a sudden started laughing maniacally and hit his head against a wall.  
  
"Oh my god! You call that hip?" he said, cracking up some more.  
  
"You shut up! Thats what the store said was hip!"  
  
"You think a cow costume is hip?! HAHAHAAHAHAH!" he said and continued laughing.  
  
"Why you little..." Roshi said.  
  
"Ah ah ah. You hurt me and I aint helpin ya."   
  
"Grr. Whatever." Roshi said, ticked off that he just got blackmailed.  
  
"Ok (laughs) kid. Go get some..." he said to Roshi and told him what to get. Roshi got it and Bob appeared again. He started laughing again.  
  
"WHAT IS THE MATTER NOW???"  
  
"HAH! I said a black tanktop not a pink one!!!!!! HAHAHA!"  
  
"THATS IT! YOU CAN KISS MY BUTT YOU LITTLE NO-GOOD PIECE OF MONKEY CRAP! I DONT NEED ANY HELP FROM YOU ANYMORE! IM HIP AS IT IS!" Everybody stood there and stared at Roshi yelling at the air (they cant see Roshi's guardian angel).  
  
"You want me to kiss your wrinkly butt?"  
  
"ARGH!"  
  
"Just joking....I..."  
  
"You what?"  
  
"Nuthin. Just go back and put on that cow suit and go back home." Bob said, cracking himself up again.  
  
"Alright then I will." Roshi said and put it on and went back to the island, with everybody staring at him. It was now 10 oclock when he arrived back 18 and Krillin were both up now. Roshi walked in.  
  
"Hi Ro----?" Krillin said and got startled at what Roshi was wearing. He started smiling and then walked back to the kitchen and Roshi heard him burst out laughing. Roshi turned bright red. 18 walked in.  
  
"Oh..." she said and walked back in the kitchen and started laughing with Krillin.  
  
"What's wrong with you two? This is hip!" That made Krillin outrageously burst out laughing with tears in his eyes.  
  
"Hey Roshi, I'm taking that beer away from you. You obviously drank too much." Krillin said.  
  
"What you don't think I'm hip?" Krillin bursted out laughing again. "You don't know what hip is." Roshi said and got back to reading his playboys.  
  
"Hey Roshi. Why are there white stains on that couch...?" Krillin said while looking at Roshi and began cracking up. He painted some white there while Roshi was gone as a little trick.  
  
"Why you little!" Roshi got steamed up. 18 started laughing. Roshi threw back on his normal clothing and decided to go to the bar. Suddenly Bob appeared.  
  
"Hey there Roshi man. You finally decided to go to the bar, huh?"  
  
"Yeah, why?"  
  
"Because there you might find some drunk chicks! Duh, everyone knows the story!" Roshi thought to himself.  
  
"Hmm, this guardian is right." Krillin and 18 heard Roshi talking and went in to see who he was talking to.  
  
"Yes! I will finally get someone!" Roshi said.  
  
"Uh Roshi." Krillin said.  
  
"What Krillin?"  
  
"Since when did you start talking to yourself?" Roshi just frowned.  
  
"I'm going off to the bar. See you all lata."  
  
Roshi then headed towards the bar. Surely enough, he saw some drunk females around there. He went up to one and smacked her on the butt.  
  
"Hey baby." he said. She then started getting all over him. Then her boyfriend came along. He was pretty strong for a human and told Roshi to get someone else. He then threw Roshi out of the club.  
  
"Ok, the bar isn't such a good idea then I guess." he thought. Bob suddenly appeared.  
  
"Oh my god, when you choose a girl, make sure she don't got no big muscle-bounder boyfriend, ok?" he said.  
  
"I quit." Roshi said and passed out for an hour. It was now 11:30 am. Roshi woke up and found Bob snoring away on top of him.  
  
"Wake up you little stupid feaky thing!" Roshi said. Bob woke up and then disappeared. "Hmm. Maybe Bulma can somehow help me..." he thought to himself. He then went to Capsule Corp. He knocked on the door. Vegeta answered.  
  
"What do you want old man?" he said.  
  
"Let me in I have to talk to Bulma!"  
  
"What about?"  
  
"JUST LET ME IN DIMWIT!"  
  
"OVER MY DEAD BODY!" Bulma came up and smacked Vegeta in the back of the head and told him to go and finish breakfast.  
  
"Hi Roshi. What can I do for you?" Bulma said. Vegeta sneered and went off to finish making breakfast.  
  
"Well, you see I have a problem."  
  
"Well you can tell me your problem."  
  
"I have trouble gettin the ladies."  
  
"No wonder. They must all think you're gay."  
  
"WHAT? WHY YOU LITTLE..." Roshi roared.  
  
"Just kidding. Come in and I'll try to solve your problem." Roshi went in all fired up.  
  
"Don't come in my house with that attitude." Vegeta said to Roshi as Bulma and Roshi walked in there.  
  
"You shut up Vegeta. Who pays for this house, huh?" Bulma said. Vegeta couldn't back his words up so he unwillingly gave in.  
  
"Now, lets see. How to figure out how Roshi can get the girls more easier..." Bulma said. Vegeta fell out of his chair laughing.  
  
"What's so funny Mr. Loud Mouth?" Bulma said.  
  
"Oh my god!" Vegeta said getting back up.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"That old man doesn't know how to get the girls? HAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Vegeta bursted out. Roshi kept his anger inside of him. Bulma got up and walked over to Vegeta and smacked him across his face leaving two giant handprints on his face.  
  
"WOMAN! NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY FACE!" Vegeta roared.  
  
"Make anymore remarks like that to Roshi again and you'll be red all over pal!" Bulma said back.  
  
"No one treats the Saiyan Prince like this!" Vegeta said and got up.  
  
"Well guess what mister? I DO!" Bulma said. Vegeta unwillingly gave up against Bulma.  
  
"Good now keep your mouth shut!" Bulma said. Vegeta, angered greatly inside, continued eating his meal. Then the idea just hit Bulma.  
  
"I GOT IT!" Bulma said.  
  
"Really? What is it?" Roshi said.  
  
"I'm not telling you. I have to make it first." Bulma said.  
  
"Well when will it be done?" Roshi said.  
  
"In about 4 hours maybe I guess." Vegeta almsot started laughing again but caught Bulma's glare and didn't laugh.  
  
"Ok then I will come by then to pick it up!" Roshi said and left Capsule Corp and headed back to Kame House. Along the way Bob all of a sudden appeared again.  
  
"Hey there. You see what happened with Bulma dn Vegeta?" he said.  
  
"Yeah. Why?" Roshi said.  
  
"That's the number one reason not to marry a chick when you get together with her. Go ahead and get married if you want to, but you'll be making the same mistake as Vegeta did. But then again you might not get one with such an attitude like her. Who knows?" Bob said and faded away. Roshi then reached Kame House.  
  
"Hey Roshi. Are you doing any better now?" Krillin said to him.  
  
"Much better for a fact. Now where's my beer case?" Roshi said.  
  
"No Roshi. You already had enough." Krillin said.  
  
"No I haven't now out of my way!" Roshi said and found the beer case and started chugging away while watching television. 4 hours pass soon enough, but Roshi's belly is too full and he's just too drunk to go and get whatever it is that Bulma invented.  
  
"Hey Krillin!" Roshi said.  
  
"Yeah?" he said coming in.  
  
"You wouldn't mind doing me a little favor, would you?"  
  
"Not at all, what is it?"  
  
"Would you mind going to Bulma's and picking up whatever it is she invented for me?"  
  
"Ok..." Krillin said, confused and flew off to Capsule Corp. Vegeta answered the door.  
  
"Well what do you know. Cue-ball grew black hair. I guess my hair color makes me sort of a role-model." Vegeta said.  
  
"No way! I couldn't see you as a role model for a pig!" Krillin said.  
  
"Why you little..." Vegeta said but Bulma suddenly gripped him by the ear and dragged him away.  
  
"Uh hi Bulma. I'm here to pick up whatever it is that you invented for Roshi." Krillin said.  
  
"Oh ok come with me." Bulma said. Bulma led Krillin to a room near Vegeta's gravity room where Vegeta was entering for some training. He started cracking up and bursted out laughing inside the gravity room which Bulma and Krillin heard.  
  
"Someone needs to teach that guy some manners." Krillin said.  
  
"The thing is no one can. That's the old arrogant saiyan prince. He'll never learn." Bulma said. Bulma the gave Krillin a little bottle of cologne.  
  
"This is it? This is what you made for Roshi?" Krillin said.  
  
"It's a sepcial cologne that attracts women's attention. It should work really well." Bulma said.  
  
"Oh I see. See ya later Bulma!" Krillin said and flew back to Kame House. Meanwhile, back at Capsule Corp, Bulma stared through the window and watched Vegeta train. She then got a devillish idea and grinned evilly.  
  
Now Vegeta will have to plead for mercy. she thought to herself and went to the gravity weightcontrol. Vegeta was training on 300 g. Bulma switched it up to 600 g. She went to the window and watched Vegeta helplessly fall to the ground, struggling to get back up.  
  
"WOMAN! CHANGE THAT BACK NOW!!!" Vegeta yelled.  
  
"Not until you apologize for all the humiliation you have done!" Bulma said.  
  
"NOOOO!" Vegeta yelled.  
  
"Then try to get out of the room yourself!" Bulma said. She was just about to walk away.  
  
"WOMAN! I APOLOGIZE!" he barely yelled out.  
  
"Do you mean it?" Bulma said. Vegeta stalled for a second then replied.  
  
"YES!"  
  
"Ok." Bulma said and put it back to 300 . Krillin arrived back at Kame House and handed Roshi the bottle of special cologne.  
  
"This is it?" Roshi asked.  
  
"That's what she said." Krillin said. Roshi then put some on. 18 suddenly walked into the room, attracted to the smell.  
  
"Well what do you know? It does work!" Roshi said.  
  
"Hm? It smells like dog crap! No woman would be charmed by it! I just wanted to see what that smell was!" 18 said.  
  
"WHAT???" Roshi yelled out.  
  
"Chill out. I was just kidding. That smell would definitely get girls' attention. It got mine." 18 said.  
  
"Oh I see." Roshi said.  
  
"Well, I'm leaving to go and get some girls you two! Now behave while I'm gone!" Roshi said and made his way towards a daytime club. It was now 4 oclock pm and he arrived there soon enough. He walked up to the bar and ordered some more beer (what a drunky). Two minutes later, 3 hot chicks came up to him.  
  
"Ohh, I love a man with such a nice smell!" one said.  
  
"Ohh yeah!" another said.  
  
"Oh hehey there ladies! What do you all say we go to my place?" Roshi said.  
  
"Yes definitely." one said. Roshi then took them to Kame House.  
  
"This is it ladies." Roshi said as they walked in. They heard moaning and squeaking in the background.  
  
"What is that?" one said.  
  
Argh. Crap. Krillin and 18 must be making out! Roshi thought to himself.  
  
"Hold on, ok ladies? I'll be back in a minute." Roshi said and headed towards Krillin/18's room.  
  
"HEY YOU TWO CAN'T YOU TWO KEEP IT ON LOW?!" Roshi yelled out. 18 covered herself with a blanket, got up and threw Roshi through a wall and got back in bed with Krillin. Roshi got up, all dazed from that blow. He walked back into the room where the 3 girls he brought home were. Suddenly the moaning and squeaking started again.  
  
Man! This sucks! Roshi thought to himself.  
  
They're embarassing me and ruining my company! Roshi thought to himself.  
  
"What is that?" one said.  
  
"Oh nothing ladies." Roshi said.  
  
"You lier! You already have a woman!" one said and they all left. Roshi jumped outside.  
  
"NOOO! LADIES! DON'T GO!!!" Roshi yelled out.   
  
Oooh. Krillin and 18 are gonna hear it from me. Ah who am I kidding. I'm always unlucky anyways! Roshi thinks to himself. Bob suddenly appeared.  
  
"Oh I see now. It's not always your fault why lose the chicks! But you have more of that cologne right?" Bob said.  
  
"Uh yeah." Roshi said.  
  
"Duh. Then send those two lovebirds ona vacation and you got this place to yourself, got it?"  
  
"Say, you're right!" Roshi said.  
  
"Of course I am dimwit. I lived a life before too!" Bob said. Roshi grinned. When Krillin and 18 were done, Roshi bought them plane tickets to the Bahamas.  
  
"Hehehe. Now this house is to myself for the next two months!" Roshi said and grinned evilly.  
  
THE END. 


End file.
